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Monday, March 25, 2013

Bitter Talk, Sweet Talk, Talking Trash

Desireless?  Photo by Kyla
What do you really want? Do you know? That answer on the top of your mind and the tip of your tongue, maybe it isn't really true. Maybe it's something you were handed to cover up that ache down in there, that heart leaning toward something it believes it can never find.

Here in this Western world of apparent privilege we have all kinds of stuff that fits right over that heartache like a lid, screw it down tight, tighter, and look at that shiny surface! Whoa, a new car! Oh yeah, threads to match the ride! Cool!

Oh but maybe what you want is romance. Or maybe not even that much, just some sex, some kind of contact, something to scratch an itch and settle an urge....

Except for one thing. It never does. Satisfy. Or, not for long, because soon, there you go, wanting more. So, what is it then? Down underneath all of that?

How about approval? Fame, even? Now there's a hunger that only leads to more hunger, and the scales never balance; the addiction only grows more ravenous with feeding.

Security? You want that? Okay, then, the end of urges. That would be security. The end of any of it pushing and tugging at you, the end of striving and making efforts.

Sure, that might be a nice change, but, you know it's gonna get boring pretty quick. Nothing to see here, move along, and just like that life leaves you behind, and one day you look up and wonder where all these chains came from.

But wait, wait. What is this dark picture I'm painting here? Surely, surely there is something, something of value? Something, some essence that everything that we seem to want has a little bit of, or reminds us of, or vaguely resembles....

Maybe it isn't something with a name even. Maybe it is so deep in there, just a quality, something that may never yet have been born in this world.

Does that mean it doesn't exist? Isn't really real?

Is the quality that gives everything desirable its desirability, real? Even if it has no name?

What if it's the realest thing going? What if it's more real than any of its proxie versions that lie to us and cheat us and rob us of our precious time by pretending to be what we really, deep in the heart of things, want, and must have?

Down in that well, underneath the clever lid of consumables and fake solutions, we may even have lost the capacity to see, to feel. That happens sometimes. But it is not gone forever, only numb from being buried for so long.

Give it a little light and air, go looking for it with some faith. It will meet you halfway.

Find the source vein of those treasures. When everything else goes away, it will remain and live.

That's worth digging for.

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